Zoe

My Dearest Liam - my beautiful boy, 

I miss you beyond words. My love for you is as strong as it ever was. You have left such a hole in my life. I miss our chats, our cinema trips, our meals out, and your smile. I miss your smile so much, it made me happy. I miss where you would hold the stage and fix the world with your wonderful philosophies about how people, life, politicians, work, and laws should be. I wished then, as I do now, that you could put all of this energy, wisdom, passion and love into something "positive".  

But your demons were stronger. Addiction consumed you, it stole you and took you away from me, from your sister, your brother, your family. The chaos, the heartache, the pain that followed you around tried to destroy our relationship and our bond but I never let it. Through it all, I always thought my love for you could fix you, but sadly it couldn’t. It never would have and I know that now, but if we had our time again, I don’t think I’d do things any different. I was led by my love for you.  

I write this letter to you like Sarah wrote to you just after you left us. She wrote how much she would miss her brother - and it's true. There’s a photo of you in her room with your beloved cat, Skye.  

I remember when I turned 30 and I was worried I was old. I remember you hugging me and saying I wasn’t old I was just your Mum. Every day I see signs from you – from the bus pass, to the filter tips on the path, the feathers – I know you have sent them to me. I am always thinking of you, every time I see a rainbow, or pick up my phone, or see your photo on my keys. You are always on my mind. 

All my love, always and forever Mum xxx