Philip

Dear Dad,

I've wanted to say these things for a long time, but I’ve never felt emotionally or spiritually strong enough to write it until now.

Did you not love me, or did you love alcohol more than me? Did I do something wrong because it certainly felt that way. I was only four when you died and only have two memories of you. They’re not a lot but they would shape a huge chunk of my life.

I went through a lot of anger and tears, jealousy and frustration because of you. I grew up without you there and had to experience the cruel taunts of ‘yer da was an alkie’ and ‘at least my dad is still alive’. But I got the last laugh because I was going home to my Mum who had enough love for me, and the whole world.

Now I’d like to thank you and that is something I never thought I'd do. I became involved in addiction myself and your passing was the perfect excuse I had to continue for years. It wasn't until I had my kids that I began to understand you a lot more, and the times you let me down, because I was doing exactly the same to my girls. It wasn't because I didn't love them, it was the illness of addiction and the selfishness that comes with that lifestyle. I didn’t want my kids to go through what I did growing up, so I fought hard, and I’m still fighting, to stay in recovery. So, thank you for that.

Love,

Philip